


Friends Don't Love Me Like You

by kiwiiChan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Flirting, Hair Dyeing, Implied Sexual Content, Johnny is self conscious, M/M, Secret Relationship, Taeyong doesnt want anyone to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 07:31:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwiiChan/pseuds/kiwiiChan
Summary: Taeyong is never there in the morning.or the one where Taeyong keeps telling everyone him and Johnny are just friends when they aren't.





	Friends Don't Love Me Like You

Johnny feels cold. On his fingers, his hands, his chest; he feels it everywhere on his body. Like he was dipped into a bowl full of ice cold water and left there to freeze. He comes out of his trance slowly and looks at Jaehyun sitting in front of him. Oh right, Jaehyun. They were having a conversation, but Johnny's train of thought left when his eyes landed on the scene unraveling in front of him. Jaehyun looks over his shoulder to where Johnny had been staring at for the past two minutes. He doesn't see anything, really. Just Taeyong flirting with one of the new cafe cashiers, but that wasn't unusual.   
  
"Is everything okay?" Jaehyun takes his hand off Johnnys as he turns back to face him. Johnny gives him a smile. Not his usual happy smile, no, he hasn't seen that one in a while. "Are you sure because this is like, the second time us three hang out this month and you space out looking at Taeyong"    
  
Jaehyun, Taeyong and Johnny go to the same college. That's where they met each other; well, that's where Johnny met Taeyong and Jaehyun.  Those two had known eachother since high school. Jaehyun is nice, Johnny wonders why he doesn't hang out with him more often. He has kind eyes and a friendly smile. He immediately clicked with Taeyong, but Jaehyun has this aura around him that makes Johnny feel comfortable and makes him trust him even though, as Jaehyun insinuated, they'd only properly hung out a handful of times. Jaehyun is nice and Johnny wants to hang out with him more often.   
  
"What  _ are _ you and Taeyong anyway?" Jaehyun bites his straw and takes a sip of his coffee. Johnny's face goes blank and a millisecond later, Taeyong is taking his seat besides Jaehyun with a napkin and a cakepop. Like his name has been enchanted and he appears whenever anyone says it.   
  
"Friends. Just friends, Jae." Taeyong drinks his too sweet tea and holds the paper napkin towards Johnny. His hands still stained green from dyeing his hair last night without gloves. Jaehyun smiles at Johnny and Johnny is so happy neither of them can feel the pain he's feeling in his chest.   
  
"I don't need a napkin." Johnny takes the cakepop from Taeyong instead. Taeyong pouts.   
  
"It's not just a napkin, idiot. I got you someones number." Johnny stops mid-bite at Taeyongs words. Taeyong still has his hand outstretched towards Johnny, waiting for him to take the napkin from him because his hand is getting tired.   
  
"I have my eyes on someone already, thanks." Johnny winks at Taeyong and for a second Jaehyun sees Johnny genuinely smile. Its gone as soon as it gets here, though. He doesn't even get the chance to enjoy it before it was gone.   
  
In the four years that Johnny has known Taeyong, he's never seen him mad. At least not this mad. His face burns pink and his eyebrows furrow. He crumples up the napkin and wipes away the water that his drink is leaving behind on the table. He stays quiet for a while, thinking about what to do.   
  
"Whatever.  _ I'll _ go have some fun then. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Maybe." Taeyong grabs his drink when he gets up from his spot and makes his way to the counter. He tells the cashier something that makes his face go pink and then he leaves.   
  
Johnny's the next to leave. He gives Jaehyun a dumb excuse about having to finish his psychology paper due at midnight. He doesn't think it's necessary to tell him he just wants to be alone. Jaehyun stays behind. He tends to end up alone whenever the three of them hang out. It's always either a fight or an awkward remark that separates them. He doesn't know what happened this time.

 

ㅡ

 

Johnny lets himself fall back on his bed. Hair sticking to his forehead and breath still heavy. He places his hand on his chest and feels it fall and rise to the rhythm of his breathing. His other hand on the back of Taeyongs thigh tracing small circles on it. To his right Taeyong is laying face down. He's looking away so he cant see his face, just his back glistening with sweat.

 

Johnny turns to his side and Taeyong flips over to face him. Face still flushed and heart still beating too fast for his health, Johnny leans in to place a kiss on Taeyongs lips. Taeyong gets up before he's able to, though. He ignores it, or he's gotten used to it, he doesn't know.

 

“C'mon lets shower.” Taeyong grabs one of Johnnys hands with both of his and tries his best to pull him up. Johnny helps him in the end. 

 

Its when Johnny has finished cleaning Taeyong and Taeyong starts scrubbing Johnny with his loofa that Johnny finally speaks. His eyes only half open as to not let the water get in and Taeyongs eyebrows furrowed as he focuses on getting Johnnys entire body clean. The hot water mist making Johnnys vision blurry.

 

“Why did you tell Jaehyun we were just friends again?” Johnny voices. Taeyong doesn't pause for even a second. He just continues to scrub Johnny's chest. 

 

“We're not. We've never been.” He speaks the words out of memory. His tongue so used to saying those words that its almost a reflex. “We just keep that, us, a secret. They cant find out.” 

 

Johnny's so tired of hearing that. Why doesn't Taeyong want anyone to find out? Is he embarrassed of him? What's so wrong with them dating. Most of their friends know they aren't straight. So why not just take it to the next level and  _ tell them.  _

 

“Why not, Yong?” Taeyong stops this time and thinks for a second. “Because. What if it ruins us? We don't want that to happen, do we?” 

 

It's as if Taeyong himself doesn't know the answer to that question. It makes Johnny feel uneasy. He wants to believe it but there's a part of him that doesn't. He takes the loofa from Taeyongs hands and turns around, facing the water. 

 

“You can get out now.” Johnny says, rinsing the loofa to get out soon as well. He's  _ not _ going to cry. Not this time. 

 

Johnny hears the bathroom door open and close as he finishes rinsing himself. That's his queue to get out. He grabs his towel from the rack and wraps it around himself. When he stands in front of the mirror an almost disappearing ‘'i luv u” greets him. Funny, that's perfect symbolism. 

 

Once he's in his room he locks the door and puts on his boxers. Taeyongs already fixed up his bedding and left him a cup of warm chocolate milk on his nightstand. He always makes him chocolate milk, claims he drinks too much coffee. Johnny doesn't think so. He gets his canvas and brings out some paints from his desk drawer. He sets up by his desk, using only his small light to see what he's doing. He knows it'll be messy, he'll just have to fix it tomorrow.

 

“Johnny please open the door.” Taeyong knocks softly when he can't open. Johnny doesn't really feel like talking. Instead, he dabs his brush in yellow paint and makes small strokes on the canvas. 

 

“Johnny.” Taeyong waits for a reply, but continues when he doesn't receive one. “Johnny, no one can take me away from you. You know me Johnny, you know how I am. You love me don't you?”

 

Does he? He has to be kidding. Yes, of  _ course _ Johnny loves him, but him flirting other people? That's where Johnny draws the line. He dips his brush in yellow again and continues painting a painting that Van Gogh has already finished long ago.

 

“Johnny” Taeyong knocks again. Johnny walks to the door and stands in front of it. He doesn't open it, not yet at least. “Do you think we'd sleep in the same bed if we were  _ just _ friends? Do you think friends help eachother shower? Do they kiss one another goodnight? I know none of  _ my _ friends would treat me like you.” 

 

Johnny opens his bedroom door and sitting in front of it is Taeyong in Johnny's hoodie. If the hoodie seems big on Johnny its giant on Taeyong. He's looking at Johnny with a pouty expression that he knows Johnny can't resist. No one can, really. So Johnny helps Taeyong up and leads him to his bed. And they sleep. Johnny by the wall and Taeyong wrapped in his arms. Legs intertwined and Taeyong's head so close to Johnny's chest he can hear his faint heartbeat. 

“I love you.” Johnny whispers to a sleeping Taeyong. Low enough to not wake him. But Taeyong hears him, he just doesn't answer.

 

When Johnny wakes up in the morning Taeyong is gone and on his bedpost he finds a new sticky note. 

 

‘ LEFT EARLY,  _ SEE U IN CLASS  _

_ XOXO T ’ _

 

Taeyong is never here in the mornings. 

 

ㅡ

Taeyong had bugged Johnny their entire Bio Chemistry class asking if he could take him to the beauty store after school so he could pick up new hair dye. He kept whining about his roots growing in and how Jaehyun kept calling him a broccoli and how he was tired of green hair after barely a month. So here they are, Johnny being dragged by Taeyong and Taeyong picking up dye after dye.

 

Johnny gets lost somewhere between the bleach and the red hair dye. Taeyong was here one second and then when Johnny turned around to suggest silver hair, he was gone. He looks for him everywhere, but the store is a maze and he finds himself walking past the red hair dye again somehow. He figures he'll just take the silver hair dye to the front and when Taeyong goes to pay he'll ask if he likes it.

 

But it's happening again. He makes his way to the front of the store and the closer he gets the clearer he can hear Taeyongs voice. He's not paying attention at first but when he hears Taeyong  _ giggle _ he walks slower. It's not that he wants to eavesdrop, no, quite the opposite really. He doesn't want to walk into something that's going to break his heart any further. It happens anyway. 

 

Taeyong is leaning on the counter and the guy behind it is under his spell. Johnny can only watch as the guy behind the counter takes Taeyongs chin in his hand. Johnny decides he's been a coward too long and he's too hurt for this to hurt him any more, so he walks right up to the counter. 

 

“Johnny!” Taeyong doesn't move back, he just turns his head to look at him. The guy takes his hand off Taeyongs face and clears his throat. Johnny recognizes him now that he's up close. 

 

“Hey Ten, just this-” Johnny looks at what he placed on the counter, having already forgotten, “silver hair dye.”

 

Taeyong looks confused. He pulls his basket with four different dyes, bleach and developer onto the counter and puts them beside the silver one. He quickly stops Johnny from taking his wallet out and takes his out instead. Ten looks back and forth from Taeyong to Johnny. Pays attention to how Taeyongs hand bumps onto Johnnys as he tries to get him to hold it. Pays attention to how Johnny shrugs off Taeyong's hands when they hold onto his arm. 

 

“Oh my god.” Tens face is beet red and he wants the earth to swallows him whole. “Johnny I swear to anything holy  _ I _ was the one that initiated the flirting. Taeyong wasn't doing anything he was just-” Johnny fakes a laugh so believable Taeyong looks at him shocked. He almost believes it as real. Almost. 

 

Ten and Taeyong both look at Johnny. Both wanting to hear what he's about to say. They aren't sure  _ what _ they want him to say, but they probably want a similar answer. 

 

“No we're not” Taeyong speaks for Johnny when he doesn't say anything. He doesnt think he can. He doesn't want to finish that sentence so he just points to Johnny and then at himself while shaking his head. “Just friends, I wanted new hair dye.” He finishes it anyway.

 

Ten lets out a sigh of relief. He finishes scanning the items and hands the bag to Johnny while Taeyong pays. He waves goodbye to Johnny when he begins walking to the front door, leaving Taeyong to almost run after him. 

 

ㅡ

 

“We're not just friends, Taeyong!” Johnny screams over his music blasting from his car's speakers. “Friends don't sleep with eachother. They don't make out or give eachother quick blowjobs at 3 am when they're high as shit. They don't call eachother at 2 AM to check if they got home from work okay. Friends don't treat me like you do.”

 

“I just don't want others to know about us because I don't want to jinx us. I don't want others to break their backs bending over to fix us if we break up. What they don't know wont hurt them” Taeyong is holding back tears, thank the heavens Johnny can't look at him while driving.

 

“How many times have you said that about me? How many things don't I know that would hurt me if I did?” Johnny doesn't lower the volume of his music. He wants to scream. He  _ has _ to scream or else he'll cry. 

 

When they get near Taeyong's apartment Johnny parks his car a street away. Taeyong fiddles with the hem of his shirt in the silence. He wants Johnny to speak, to scream, to do  _ something.  _ Anything is better than silence.

 

Johnny doesn't know where to begin. He wants Taeyong to  _ Love  _ him. He’s never verbally told him he loved him in the six months they've been together. And flirting with other people sure isn't helping with Johnny's self consciousness. 

 

“If you're not my boyfriend,” Johnny starts and Taeyong's throat feels like it's on fire as he tries his best not to cry. “Someone else might love you too. And it that case, if we're just  _ friends _ , I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.” 

 

Taeyong wipes off his tears with the back of his hands. He takes a minute to calm himself down before he opens the door and gets out. It takes yet another minute for Taeyong to peak his head back in the car and speak.

 

“Sleep over?” he mumbles. All of Johnny's strength isn't enough to deny him of that. 

 

ㅡ

 

Jaehyun is watching t.v when Johnny drunkenly stumbles in with a red haired Taeyong right behind him. He moved in after graduation because Johnny needed a roommate and he doesn't do well with strangers. He waves at Taeyong and tells Johnny he ate his leftover food because he was hungry and he doesn't know where he left his phone so he couldn't order something to eat. Johnny won't remember this in the morning.

 

“I need you to call me, please!” Jaehyun gets up and follows them to Johnny's room yelling for one of them to please call his phone. It isn't until both of them get in bed that he stops. Johnny encases Taeyong in a hug Taeyong lays his head on his chest. Mumbles and whispers from Taeyong fill the room but Jaehyun's ears can only pick up phrases like 'don't tell’ or 'secret’ and ‘jinx’.

 

“Am I missing something? Are you guys a thing now?” Jaehyun steps out of the doorway. He watches Johnny stare at the top of Taeyongs head for a moment before he closes his eyes. Neither of them answer. Jaehyun takes that as his queue to leave. He knows Johnny won't get up until tomorrow, so he turns the light off and closes the door leaving them to themselves.

 

ㅡ

 

Johnny wakes up feeling cold. His hands roam every inch of his wrinkled bed sheets, but he never finds any warmth. He opens his eyes but his room is too dark to see anything. Taeyong's probably in the shower. He manages to check the time on his phone before it powers off. 3:45 AM. Outside, Jaehyun is sleeping on the couch with the tv on. Johnny was wrong, Taeyong isn't in the bathroom. Nor is he in the kitchen or in Jaehyun’s messy room. He's not even in the balcony. He only sees the stray cat sleeping on their small table. It's white fur making it seem like it's glowing in the night. Johnny doesn't want to grasp reality just yet; Taeyong's  _ never _ there when he wakes up. 

 

Walking back inside he sees Jaehyun is sitting up now. The t.v is off and the silence encases them. Johnny doesn't like it. 

 

“He told me everything, you know?” Jaehyun’s voice echoes in the dark room. Johnny makes his way to the couch through the dark, reaching for Jaehyun's hand so he can lead him there. ”he said he left a note. You deserve so much better, Johnny” 

 

Jaehyun's voice sounds careful. As if he were trying to walk through a room full of eggshells. He gets up after a minute of silence, placing his hand on Johnny's knee and giving it a squeeze before doing so. And then Johnny is alone again, sitting in the deafening silence with the moon washing over him.

 

He makes his way to his room, not entirely eager to do so. His hands have some trouble finding the light switch and flipping it on, but it happens eventually. He's not sure what he was expecting. An entire page of Taeyong announcing how much he loved him? A drawing of a heart and his and Taeyong's initials scribbled in the middle? Anything but a neon yellow sticky note stuck on his bedpost. He sits on his bed, paying no mind to the squeak that it makes because he's grown so used to it. His palms are sweaty, heart thumping and mind racing. 

 

“  _ friends should sleep on different beds. because of this I decided to go sleep in my own. _

_ friends shouldn't kiss me like you do. because of this I have decided not to kiss you anymore, even if it hurts. even if I have to move away. _

_ My friends will never love me like you and I know this. No one will love me like you love me. i realize I treated you poorly, no one should be treated the way I treated you. you deserve someone better, someone who doesn't deny being your boyfriend and doesn't flirt with everyone. I suppose this is goodbye. so, goodbye.  _

_ I love you -T” _

 

Johnny lets the words wrap around his brain and take over his thoughts. He lets the last three words take over his world. His vision blurs when tears start to make their way out of his eyes. He doesn't know when it happens but he's crying out Taeyong's name. He learns that his name  _ isn't _ enchanted because he never appears by his side. Of course he doesn't, this isn't a love story. 

 

ㅡ

 

Johnny wakes up at 3 AM. His room is warm and cozy even if it's the dead of winter. He can hear the white cat purr from somewhere in the room and it makes his heart feel fuzzy. He sits up and stares at his window. The tree outside is swaying its leaves softly. Jaehyun stirs besides him and takes Johnny's hand in his as a habit. It's almost as if Jaehyun's subconscious knows Johnny is awake because he sits up and stares intently at him. It almost scares Johnny.

 

“What is it?” Jaehyun can barely keep his eyes open, can barely even pronounce words with his brain still half asleep. “can't sleep?” 

 

Johnny hums in response. That's all it takes for Jaehyun to get up from Johnny's bed and put on the first hoodie he finds on the ground. He throws Johnny another hoodie and rushes out of the room. Johnny smiles to himself. The things Jaehyun does for him when he doesn't feel well is insane. 

 

“Jae, it's 3 AM nothing's going to be open” Johnny's voice is too loud for this early in the morning. His cat jumps off his desk and walks out of his room. 

 

“I found this place last time, they're open 24 hours” Jaehyun's voice comes from outside “Hey where did I leave my keys?” he's always losing things.

 

Johnny gets up, puts his sweats on and meets Jaehyun at the front door. He stifles a laugh when he takes a look at him. 

 

“Pants, Jae” Johnny puts on his shoes and opens the door while Jaehyun runs to his room to put on some pants. 

 

It's cold outside, freezing, but when Jaehyun runs up to Johnny and hugs him tight he doesn't feel anything but warmth. Taeyong is just a memory. Neither of the boys have seen or heard of him for about a half a year now. He moved away and broke contact with everyone but Ten. Sometimes Johnny dreams about him, about hair dye and secrets, about the cold. But Jaehyun is always there in the morning to reassure him that he loves him, to cook breakfast with, to spend the entire day with. He's always there to return the warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Friends by Ed Sheeran. I wrote a happy ending so it wouldn't be Too sad.  
> find me on twitter ♡ @/strwbrrykun


End file.
